Tuesday, November 16, 2010

The Post I Thought I'd Never Write

I've heard friends say things like, "I never thought I'd drive a minivan," or "I never thought I would view 9 PM as late."  It's always followed up by, "And then I had kids."  Well, this is a post that I never ever thought I would write.

Last night the power went off at 9:30 PM due to a pretty spectacular wind storm.  The sound of the transformers exploding sounded a bit like a war zone.  I bundled up Aurelia in an extra swaddle, put some wool blankets on the bed, and snuggled in for a cold, dark night.  I was so thankful that one of the things Joey stressed before he left was that the emergency flashlight was in the drawer right beside the bed.  And wonder of wonders, my little girl slept for 3 1/2 hours straight.  But along with the 2:00 AM nursing came a diaper change. . . in the dark.  I had prepared for this before going to bed by laying out a diaper and an extra sleeper in case a blow out happened.  Always be prepared, right?  I set the flashlight on the changing table and got to work.  Now, one of the things my husband also should have done before he left was make sure the batteries in the flashlight were charged.  Aurelia was all cleaned up and I was getting ready to put her new diaper on when she made a grimicing face I'm all too familiar with followed by a little grunt.  And then the flashlight went out.  From the noise I heard in the darkness, I new this was a good one, this was the blowout I had prepared for.  So there I stood in the pitch black with a naked baby on the changing table, no light source in arms reach.  I remembered that there was a tea light on my bedstand for the air freshener I light when I change out the diaper pail.  I fumbled around for a match, finally got the candle lit, and realized that the tea light wasn't going to cut it.  Then I remembered that our unity candle from our wedding was on the pie safe in the kitchen.  I strapped Aurelia down to the pad (and thought to myself, "THAT'S why these things have straps") and used the tea light to light my way into the living room.  Reflected in the warm glow of our wedding memento, I found my daughter and the auxiliary sleeper covered in poo.  Miraculousy she didn't get any on the sleeper she was wearing or the changing pad.  5 wipes later, I picked my clean baby up off the changing pad, turned around, knocked over the flashlight which turned back on as it hit the floor. 

And that's it.  I'd always promised myself I wouldn't post about poop.  But I know that a certain subset of Aurelia's fanbase would be unforgiving if I didn't post stories like these (you know who you are Loya and Nong).  And sometimes you just have to laugh at the situations parenting puts you in.  While most people will remember the windstorm of Fall 2010, to me it was a real sh*tstorm (forgive the language).

11 comments:

Dara said...

bahaaaaahaaa this was great! thanks!

jonatron said...

'Like'

Alicia said...

thank you! My favorite part was the flashlight turning back on. Also, I think your time in Kabul gave you some amazing resourceful skills. Who knew when you lit that unity candle that one day, it would be used for so much more!

Levi and Betsy said...

Loved this! I knew the time would come... poop was such a regular topic of conversation in Kabul that Aurelia's bottom business couldn't be kept under wraps for long.

The White House said...

hey just thinking of you tonight and wanted to poop, i mean pop on over to your blog! nice work mom! super heroic changing diapers mode in the dark. awesome.

Jacob and Carlee Loya said...

I am DYING!!!! i love that the flashlight turned on as it hit the floor. of COURSE. how appropriate that the spawn of your unity would require the glow of your unity candle to be attended to. also, i'm so glad you had those straps & didn't have to pick her up to hunt down said candle. GROSSSSSSS!!! love you guys!!

Jenne said...

GREAT story!!

Anna, also known by some as Nong said...

This Is one of those gem blogs you find at the perfect time and they remind you that life is so good because it was not written by some stranger, but a precious friend who knows exactly what will make you die laughing. Thank you for compromising your poo values for a moment and letting me in on the mental image of that whole affair.

Jan Leigh said...

LOL What a great story! This will get funnier a few years from now when you read back over it. Hang in there! We are out of town and missed the windstorm but I understand it was pretty bad.....but obviously a little more challenging in your house. You are doing a great job as a mom!!!

Jan Leigh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dawn said...

Oh Julie. You make me smile!! Before becoming a parent, I hated when parents wanted to talk about kids poop...well, now, Nate and I have promised to only talk to other parents about poop, but I have shared a couple blog stories too that were funny enough for everyone. So glad that unity candle was able to be used a 2nd time!! ;)