Barfing on my birthday

Nope, this isn't another post about Afghani-sickness.  I don't want to say that we've been healthy because I know as soon as I do my stomach will start to bubble.  But there are no sniffles or gurgles to report.

But still, it is barfing on my birthday; barf being the Dari word for snow.  Of course, this provides for endless giggles with the expat children (and sometimes the adults too).  We've had a very mild winter; it didn't barf at all until January.  We thought that we were on the upswing to spring, but it's barfed three times in the last three weeks.  And I have to say, Kabul is quite pleasant and beautiful when covered in a fresh layer of barf.



To keep warm we've been firing up the bukhari each night and throwing the kettle on top of it for tea.

And there was light!

And now for some great news from Kabul: 24 hour power, 7 days a week!  City Power is up and running. From the occasional 3 or 4 hours, 2 or 3 nights a week, this is quite the change.  Kabul has had little to no electricity for the last 16 years.  It's hard to imagine a city of 3 million plus people without power.  Many of my friends here cannot remember a time in their life where electricity was expected or normal.

It's been a month of steady electricity with an outage here and there.  Although there is still not enough power to light a whole house, reports are that within 3 months the electricity will be at a normal and functional level.

Of course, the first day City Power came we blew a fuse.  And of course, all the electricity stores are completely sold out of new breaker boxes and fuses.  So, we're still generator dependent for a few more days.  Can't wait to say goodbye to the loud, noisy, expensive, unreliable generator and hello to 24 hour power!

You Owe Me Money!

Today I got a serious case of the hiccups at work.  We're talking 2 hours worth of hiccuping.  Our receptionist, Freshta, walked into my office and demanded the money I owed her.  I stared at her, a little baffled, and hiccuped again.  She laughed and said, "It didn't work!"  She proceeded to explain to me that the best way to get rid of hiccups is to distract the person or shock them.  Apparently, the Afghan remedy for hiccups is to demand money.  In a culture that has very strict guidelines for what is permissible to discuss in casual conversation, coming right out and asking for money is startling.  A less popular option is to swallow a teaspoon of salt.

In the course of the day, three other people asked me for the money I owed them and one guy asked for a salary raise (not sure if the last one was hiccup related).  None of these worked.  What finally got rid of them?  Too much petrol got in my bukhari heater.  The little explosion made me jump in my seat and scared the hiccups right out of me.

Back from Britain

Generally, I like to keep my blog focused on life in Afghanistan.  The whole point of "Kicking it in Kabul" is to share little snippets of what it is like to live in a conflict area/the developing world and share some of the things I have learned about Afghanistan.  I want people to understand a different part of the world, a place that has forced me to do a lot of reorienting and readjusting in almost every aspect of my life.  For these reasons I try to stick to experiences and information, and not share much about my personal life. . . only on special days or when it's necessary.  We've been going through a difficult and sad time and after a lot of consideration, I think it's time to get some of it out.

I had a miscarriage while I was in London.

I'm hesitant to write about this for a couple of reasons:

-Pregnancy, fertility, infertility, etc. are things that I think are very personal and should be kept relatively private.  I know that it is a sensitive subject for many people, myself included.

-I know that by writing about this I'm opening the door to the questions that will inevitably follow (Was there anything you could have done differently?  Did the doctor give you a reason?  Are you going to try again?  When are you going to try again?).

I decided to write about it for a couple of reasons:

- We live very far away from family and friends.  Although we have a good support network here in country, there is something special and necessary about sharing with longtime friends.  I also recognize that it is healthy and healing to let people share in our grief.  It seems that we are all quick to rejoice and celebrate with each other, but when it's time to grieve we retreat back and mourn alone.

- I process things relationally.  I need coffee dates and phone calls to help me get through the tough times in life.  Living so far away has caused me to rework some of my coping mechanisms.  Writing about this situation is helping me work through some of the thoughts and feelings and difficult moments that I'm coming up against.

Some information and thoughts:

-I was 12 weeks and some days a long, the baby had stopped growing at 8.5 weeks.  We were able to see a heartbeat at a scan in Dubai at 7 weeks, it was amazing and gave us lots of hope and excitement. This was my second miscarriage.  My first was a little over  year ago at 11 weeks.  I wasn't given a reason for either of our losses.

- No, there wasn't anything I could have or would have done differently, including living in Kabul while expecting.  The only difference living in a more developed country would have given me was an earlier knowledge that we had lost the baby.  I did get to see the Afghan medical system up close and will describe it later.

- This is a really tough thing to go through, especially being so far away from home.  We're doing as well as can be expected; sad, disappointed, frustrated, sometimes a little angry, and sad some more.  But overall, we're okay.  I know that this is one of those hurts that will never fully go away.  I also know that each day I feel a little bit better, more positive and more hopeful.

- I am the type of person that really wants to understand things.  Although I can look at things I have learned through both of our losses, I know that I won't ever fully understand why these things happen.  I'm learning that not understanding is frustrating but I'm also learning that it's alright to not understand.

-In my last post, I discussed that the word I would be embracing this year is faith.  I feel like I'm holding onto that word more than ever: faith that God is sovereign; faith that He has our very best interest in mind; faith that although I don't understand, He does; faith that He has great plans for us, even when those plans aren't what we expected.

And as for trying again, that goes back to the whole pregnancy, fertility, infertility, etc. being a private and sensitive thing.  Our stock answer when people ask us when and if we're having kids will continue to be, "Maybe someday."

Is it really 2009?

Just like that 2009 is here.  As usual, it's been a full year for us; lots of adventures and travels, lots of memories with family and friends, some ups and downs, and one gigantic move.

We're excited to see what the next year brings.

I've been thinking some about resolutions.  I've never really been the resolution type.  I guess one easy one would be to make a more conscience and consistent commitment to staying in contact with family and friends back home.  But really, that is a resolution that is always on my plate and has little to do with the new year.

A friend from college blogged about the idea of embracing a word for the year.  I really like that idea, I think it was called the One Word Challenge.  When I was reading about this idea the word "faith" immediately came to mind.

According to my Apple Dictionary, faith is a noun meaning "complete trust of confidence in someone or something, OR strong belief in God or in the doctrines of a religion based on spiritual apprehension rather than proof."

Living in a place with a lot of uncertainty, times of insecurity, and loads of instability (quite literally instability, we've been woken up by earthquakes two nights in a row, 5.8 and 5.9); I have found it absolutely necessary to have something firm to rely on and put my trust in.

I chose faith as my word because I feel like I am in a point of my life where everything is dependent on that complete trust of confidence in God, His word, His promises, His love, His ability and desire to do amazing and miraculous things, His power, and the notion that He is the same yesterday, today and forever.

When I look at the challenges everyone faces living here and some more specific and personal challenges I am facing right now, it is comforting and reassuring to have Someone solid and certain to put my faith in.  

In other news, I'll be taking a two week break from blogging.  This weekend I'll head to London to meet with my younger sister and have some good quality family time.  I'm looking forward to spending 6 days in the western world!

Our Kabul Christmas

The weeks leading up to Christmas were very busy for us over here in Kabul.  Not only did we have our unexpected trip to Dubai, but the entire month I felt like I was working against the clock.  With several big projects to complete by end-of-the-month payroll and the beginning of 2009, December was a month that needed overtime instead of time off.  But when Karzai passed an edict mandating a week off for Eid e Qorban (the Festival of Sacrifice, celebrating when Abraham showed the faith to sacrifice his son. . . in the Islamic world, Ishmael), I quickly fell behind.  Between Christmas get-togethers, work, and of course preparing for the holiday; I felt like December 25 quickly and quietly crept up on me.  It was very stealth.

Most Afghans have no idea what Christmas is, why we celebrate it or even what day it is on.  I was asked no less than 10 times when Christmas was, how many days it lasted, what it celebrated, who Santa was, who Jesus is. . .  My favorite questions came from our chakador, Habib, who asked me "When do you start partying for Christmas? And how do you tell when it's supposed to start?"  The Islamic world operates on a lunar calendar.  The beginning of holidays are determined by the position, phase, and a sighting of the moon.  School and work calendars always have holidays in parenthesis with people guessing the actual date as it draws closer.  Holidays usually last for several days and include visiting family and friends and eating lots of sweets and food.  Afghans are extremely surprised when they find out we only celebrate Christmas for one day, two if you count Christmas Eve.

Celebrating Christmas in a place like Kabul takes a little bit of creativity and effort.  We already have a few in place traditions (opening pajamas on Christmas Eve, eating chocolate pudding and biscuits for breakfast on Christmas Day, nutmeg logs, to name a few) and these little traditions help us feel at home wherever we are.   We were also blessed to have a whole team working together to make Christmas fun and festive, one of the benefits of sharing a home with two other families.  Between all of us, we were able to pull off a great holiday.

Some things that went into making our Christmas special:
-A 24 inch tree sent from Dynamic with color changing lights.
-Baked goods sent from North Carolina.  Candy Canes sent from Washington.
-Sending Agha Gul to get pecans and getting a jar full of pickles instead.
-Homemade eggnog and apple cider.
-Reading the Christmas Story together.
-Having a full Christmas dinner spread with green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, cornbread stuffing (if I had time to tell you how difficult it was to find cornmeal in Kabul. . .), punch made from a bottle of Sprite and all different juice boxes in the fridge mixed together, pickles (instead of pecan pie), and chicken pretending to be turkey.
-Skype! So great to see our families on Christmas.
-Making great memories with friends; playing Wii, cooking together, and watching Joey and Steve play with Legos that we got for our 4 yr old housemate.



Although we missed being with family, we'll always have great memories from our first Kabul Christmas.

Moments and memories

From J&J Slide Show Pics

I know, it's just a little picture.  But it's the only one I have on our hard drive of me and my mom.  It was taken when I was brand new.

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of my mom's passing.  Yes, it is a day that brings some tears and sorrow.  But more than that, it's a day to celebrate moments and memories of Mom's life.  Of course I am a bit partial, but I think Kathy Pandiani was an incredible lady.  She lived a life that's easy to celebrate.  She was sincere, loving, caring and joyful.  She loved to dance and laugh.  She wanted people to feel involved and important.  And she found great joy in serving others.

My mother taught me to be a woman of faith and prayer.  Throughout her sickness, she always had her eyes focused firmly on our Lord.  I remember her praying for healing but also praying for God's sovereign will to be done.  I believe she was a testimony of God's love in her life and in her death.

A lot has changed in the last ten years; graduations, a wedding, moves all over the country and world.  There is so much of my life that I wish I could share with her, although God has blessed me with many wonderful people to share these moments with.  Of course, I will always miss her.  But I am so blessed to have lived 17 years of my life with Mom.

Two memories: This may be bad parenting.  But to reward me for doing well at my piano lessons each week, Mom would buy me a vanilla latte and a chocolate chip cookie from Shakabra Java on 6th.  This started when I was in 3rd grade.

Every Christmas we would spend Christmas Eve and Day with Mom's family.  Part of the tradition was Family Follies, our annual family talent show.  Mom always planned out a little act for us to do, usually with elaborate choreography.  One of the most memorable Family Follies was when I was almost six and Mom, Melissa and I performed "The 12 Days of Christmas" with interpretive dance.  Sarah recited a poem about her Auntie Flo who gave her underwear every year.  She can probably still say it, you can test her on it.