Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Saying the things I don't know how to say

We are so thankful for all our friends that are praying with us as we navigate through this time.  I have kept every email that I've received and turn to them for encouragement when I find it difficult to pick myself up or have particularly rough moments.  And I've noticed that sometimes our friends are able to put words to things that I'm feeling and working through but couldn't voice myself.  My favorite Finnish friend has a much better command of the English language than me.  Throughout our relationship she has been able to hit the nail right on the head and help me process through all the thoughts that are moving around in my brain.  She has a gift for saying the things that I don't know how to say.  In a recent email, she wrote about the reality of blessing in difficult situations.  It's easy to say we're blessed when things are peachy, but what about when things are not so perfect by the world's standards?  I've had several people tell me that I'm taking this really well or that they're surprised by our strength.  To these people, I say thank you and should probably mention that there are  definitely some dark moments where I don't look so put together and feel pretty weak.  But I'd also like to say that I feel absolutely blessed knowing this little girl is on her way.  As Sari put it:

Lady Hawk is a little miracle given by God in all possible cases; perfectly healthy, or with some issues, needing surgery, or not.
I am sure God does not want any of us to be sick, but he does allow it, and it does not take any of the blessings away. In fact, I know that God can bring about blessings through the nasty things that do happen to us.
For the last three years, I have been angry at the ER doctor who sent me to surgery for my first miscarriage.  Not only are we still paying the hospital bill for the D and C, but it was a very difficult recovery emotionally and physically.  That nasty scar that I didn't even know I had showed up on my 21 week ultrasound and caused enough concern for a follow up scan.  The scar is gone now, but I am so thankful it was there.  I can't know what would have happened without that 28 week scan.  I do know that with the information gathered at each scan we are able to rule out different things, plan for different outcomes, and cover this little lady in prayer in a very intentional way.  And I do know that her future is a lot brighter with all this information.  I don't think that I went through the trauma of my first loss to have a scar on my scan.  But I know that I'm less angry at the ER doctor now.  And I'm thankful that God used it to bring about this little blessing.  These are the things I'm processing through each day.  I'm so thankful for friends that help me work my way through it.

1 comment:

CaraEve said...

This is Cara from the other boards... I have some great info and excellent news for you regarding the Duke Study and programs for cord blood banking that are free. Please contact me @
I have phone numbers and emails for the friend of mine who is in the Duke Study. She wants to talk to you and can help you get in touch with the doctor in charge of the study!